Seattle Boys vs. Portland Boys

In response to A always saying that Portland Girls are stuck up...

Seattle Boys probably grew up in the Pac Nord, and when they talk about "mountains" they mean the Cascades. Portland Boys probably grew up east of the Mississippi and don't know how to ski. They think it's hot when you can tell them which mountain it was they could see today.

Both hate California, Palm Trees, Heat. Both love/like Jazz. And they can't tell you why.

Seattle Boys don't sing Karaoke because they don't sing. Portland Boys either sing Karaoke better than you or they CAN'T sing. At all. Period.

Portland Boys want to go out for coffee somewhere well lit. Seattle Boys take you out for cocktails, and the selection of booths is sexier than the selection of beers (and there is generally a head of some hapless vegetarian species on the wall).

Portland Boys tell you they went to Mary's to go to the ATM so they could get a burrito next door. Seattle Boys pretend they don't like porn. Speaking of which, both will think they are entitled to an opinion on Mexican food.

Neither will have a car to come visit you, even though you live at the beach. Both will ride bikes, but not very far, fail to signal, and it's a fifty/fifty chance whether or not they will wear a helmet. You will offer to drive.

You might be treated to free food with the Portland Boy because he and the waitress are related/friends/former lovers/used to date the same girl. You might get free food with the Seattle Boy because you leave the bar too drunk to remember to pay.

Neither will know how to handle garters. Seattle Boys will tell you they like to watch, Portland Boys will flounder for a minute and then tell you it's their first time with such complications. Honestly? I'm 30!

When a Portland Boy offers to let you sleep on his couch he fully intends to "sleep" with you on the couch (have condoms in your coat). Oh, the Portland Boy also will probably not actually have a couch "per se". When a Seattle Boy offers to let you sleep on the couch it'll be leather, he might offer you a blanket, but he probably thinks you have a sleeping bag stashed in your car, and he will not be surprised if you would prefer the floor to the couch.

Both prefer blondes.

Neither will take you to the movies without coercion. If you manage to convince a Portland Boy to go to the movies it'll be a brew and view, and you won't be able to hold hands. Seattle Boys would rather walk to another bar, preferably one on Capitol Hill (see comment about booths and beers), which will make you grateful you didn't wear heels.

Both have no inhibitions about asking for back rubs. Both do not intend to even offer to return the favor.

You know you are "just friends" when they want to go thrifting together. Fuck That! I am not trying on that "little black number" unless you are willing to come in the dressing room! If the jeans don't make me look like Tina Turner then don't tell me to buy them!

Seattle Boys are polite. Portland Boys are sincere. Neither are monogamous.

Both will diss on "Hipsters" while they are in a bar full of people who are the same age group, general color and demographic as they are.

You want Seattle Boys to want your number. Portland Boys gave you their number a couple of years ago.

Though you can pick up either at a bar, Seattle Boys will have a clear beer with a whiskey back, Portland Boys will signal the bartender for their Pabst.

Neither have a particular smell until after you've slept over (on the couch or not). How does that work?

Seattle Boys will tell you they don't watch television. Portland Boys hate Donald Draper, but that they watched it on Netflix.

Seattle Boys love soccer. Portland Boys love baseball, but not the Mariners, so you can't get them to watch a game with you unless their team is in the play-offs. Post Script- Portland Boys love "FootBall." Mostly because they studied overseas.

Seattle Boys might actually grow up into being Seattle Men. I have yet to meet a Portland Man of any age.

These are gross generalizations, but still....